just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
