All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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