i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
