i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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