I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize