there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
