i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
