Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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