My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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