But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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