If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
