i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
