How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
