I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Every concussion has its silver lining
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
