Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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