Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
