this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
