so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
