One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
