the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
