So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
