His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
