ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
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Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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