You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
it glows. i had to have it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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