Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
