I am spending my child support on dildos
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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