I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize