she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
