Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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