you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
