handjob tips. give me some.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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