He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
