I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
