Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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