I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
