just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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