You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
