absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
