I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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