I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How does it feel to date your dad?
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