we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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