it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
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She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
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We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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