I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
