Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
