Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
