Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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