just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
