my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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