I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
