at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
