i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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