Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
