Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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