i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
