Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
