I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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