I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
