Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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