you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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