Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
