He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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