hotel room ftw
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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