My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
