omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
