I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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