Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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