o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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