I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
