i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
