nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
