This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
