to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
