cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
