I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
