i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
