dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
we're so committed to being not committed
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
