Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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