Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
