Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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