i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
