Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
