my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
